Building strong relationships is key to professional success. But there’s one common mistake that even the smartest, most hardworking people make that completely sabotages their ability to connect.
When I coach teams on communication, I start by auditing their current habits. I see a lot—some great, some not so great, and some downright scary. But there’s one behavior I see over and over that, when corrected, completely transforms interactions.
Let’s say I’m meeting with a potential client. If I ask them about their challenges but seem even slightly disengaged in their response, how do you think that affects their perception of me? Even worse—how likely are they to do business with me?
Yeah.
People want to feel heard.
There’s a saying I love: “People may not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
Think about it—how often do we return to the same bars, restaurants, or service providers just because we like how they make us feel?
At the end of the day, we might be listening, but if we don’t communicate that in a way that makes the other person feel heard, it’s game over.
And here’s the kicker—they won’t tell us. They’ll just disappear.
So, how do we make people believe we’re listening and that what they’re saying matters?
By using a simple technique I call scooping.
It’s easy: Pick one or two key words or ideas from what the other person said and repeat them back in your response.
For example, let’s say Phil is talking to Janice, a potential client. Instead of waiting for her to finish just so he can jump in with his solution, Phil scoops. He listens, picks out something meaningful she said, and repeats it back before responding. Something like, "Yeah...I love what you said about __________," or "You know, I never thought about _________, that way, but you're right!"
This small act makes Janice feel heard and understood—so much so that she trusts Phil enough to sign on the dotted line.
Most of us do care about what others are saying. We just don’t always know how to show it.
Scooping is a simple but powerful way to bridge that gap.
So next time you’re talking to someone—whether it’s a friend, a partner, or a client—try scooping. I guarantee they’ll feel the difference.
See you next time!
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